Encore Episode: Expressing Gratitude for the Holiday with the Gratitude Psychologist, Dr. Peggy DeLong.

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I can't think of a better way to kick the Thanksgiving week off than revisiting a conversation I had with Dr. Peggy DeLong, the gratitude psychologist. We've all got so much to be grateful for, whether we're in the process of getting our bridges corrected, in the process of diagnostics for our bridge, or if we've had the unroofing procedure, gratitude has a visceral healing element to it. So as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday with friends and family, let's be grateful for the things we have and the opportunities that lie ahead. I hope you enjoy the conversation.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

I always like to say that I'm I'm not a fan of ignoring our emotional pain, but we first need to feel it. We just don't want to get stuck there. So feeling the fear, any painful emotion that might rise up, it's important to feel that and process that and sometimes express it, but we don't want to get stuck there and perpetuate it. And gratitude is one method of moving forward by thought replacement, by instead thinking about what you're fearful about and all those worry what-if thoughts for the future, replacing it with something that you're grateful for. It sends the energy of your thoughts in a different direction because you know thoughts have energy. They tend to grow and get stronger and stronger. And when we have a fear thought, within minutes we can end up having catastrophic fear thoughts if we don't rein it in and get them under control.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Most importantly, is to have you leave each episode with hope, knowing you're not alone and that what you're experiencing is real. Dr. Peggy DeLong is a psychologist known as the Gratitude Psychologist. She teaches people how to harness the power of gratitude and joy to live their best lives, especially during difficult or fearful times. She does this through psychotherapy, online courses, speaking engagements, books, and bracelets. Peggy is the author of three books: I Can See Clearly Now, a memoir about love, grief, and gratitude, The Gratitude Journal, a 365-day gratitude journey, and Feeling Good, 35 Proven Ways to Happiness, Even During Tough Times. She's also the owner of Love and a Bracelet, where she designs bracelets for coping with grief and loss, mental health, and inspiration. She hosts women's hiking events for spiritual growth and personal development. And when she's not focused on her businesses, you'll find Peggy in the mountains, downhill or telemarket skiing, kayaking, hiking, or even mountain biking. Welcome, Dr. Peggy DeLong to Imperfect Heart. We are so pleased to have you on this episode.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Thank you so much for having me, Jeff.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Peggy, in our pre-call, you mentioned a couple of things that really blew me away. It was starting with a conversation about your father. And for our listeners, you know, we don't have any pre-association. We haven't talked in the past. I actually heard you on another podcast, and I said, Boy, I think you would be wonderful for our audience. Would you tell us what it was that you shared with me for your father's story? And then we'll subsequently discuss something that just dovetailed into your own personal story.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Sure. When I was 26 years old, I was going through a really difficult time. And I remember a specific conversation that I was having with my father. We were both grieving the loss of my fiance who had just passed from cancer. And my father kind of turned the tone of the conversation and he said, You know, if I have it my way, I'm going to die on a chairlift. And I said, Dad, why a chairlift? You love to ski. Maybe you're skiing and you hit a tree, but why a chairlift? And he said, Well, that's where I feel closest to God, breathing in the cool mountain air, I am most at peace on a chairlift. Well, two weeks later, my father went to Vermont for an early season ski trip by himself, and he had a sudden heart attack and passed away on a chairlift. So he was way too young. He had only just turned 58. But this was exactly the way that he wanted to go when his time came. It was way too soon. And he had let us know that he was supposed to have had um angioplasty. He had some heart trouble and he was scared to have it done. So he didn't have it done. And unfortunately, while skiing and while on that peaceful chair lift, he had a sudden heart attack by himself and passed away.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Well, I'm so sorry to hear that. And what a surprise when you had just had the conversation thinking, oh, this is so far in the future.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Exactly. You know, I had I never imagined in that moment that he would not be with me two weeks later. And I was already deep in grief over the loss of my fiance. So it was really difficult for my family, but at the same time, we were comforted to know that this was the way that he wanted to go when his time came, but but m way too young. There was so much living for him to do.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Oh, surely at 59 years old. Oh my gosh. I know there's a a story that follows with your own personal situation, but before we get there, how do you think that shaped you in terms of what you do today?

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Aaron Ross Powell It had a tremendous impact on me, on living life fully, because we never know what's going to happen, and doing my best to not live in fear, to live a healthy lifestyle as much as possible, and really self-care, taking care of myself.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

In terms of your situation now, it wasn't just your father's, but it brought an astute awareness to either heart conditions or chest pain or something to that effect. You then experienced something subsequently, I won't say as a result, but that that got your attention. Would you walk us through that?

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Sure. Uh I was alone at my vacation home. I was working on my book, and I get a lot of work done when I'm by myself. So I had treated myself to a couple days to work on my book, just a final one chapter. Uh ironically, the chapter was on self-care. And I was just having trouble getting this one last chapter done. So in the evening I had gone kayaking, and I loved to kayak and watch the sunset. And and this was October. So once the sun set, it got really cold and dark. And I paddled in very quickly. And I think what happened was I I must have pulled a muscle. I didn't really realize it at that time, but I I think I pulled a muscle in my paddling too quickly. And I did a little bit of writing and I went to bed at midnight. And at three o'clock in the morning, I was awakened by excruciating pain in my chest area. And due to my family history, I immediately thought, oh my goodness, I must be having a heart attack. This is what happened to my father. And I called 911 because I was convinced I was having a heart attack. I stepped outside and I thought some fresh air would help. And while I was on the phone with 911, out of pure fear, I passed out and unfortunately hit my head on a short part of my staircase. And then once I awakened, I picked up my phone and saw that no, you know, nobody was there. So I called 911 back and they said, Why did you hang up on us? I said, I didn't hang up on you. I think I'm having a heart attack. So they sent somebody very quickly. And before the ambulance came, actually, this was a gated community and a security person came first. It was looked like a young man in his early 20s. And he said, Ma'am, looks like you're you called the ambulance because of your head. And I said, I didn't even know that I was bleeding from the head at that point. I said, No, my heart. And I was taken to the by ambulance to the hospital, had every test that you can imagine, and there was nothing wrong with my heart. I passed out from pure fear. And once I got home and realized that everything was fine, I had nothing to worry about. I still was awakened at three o'clock in the morning with tremendous worry thoughts. All of the things that could have gone wrong ran through my head at three o'clock in the morning. And I had been talking about gratitude for over a decade. I discovered the power of gratitude in 1994 and professionally have been talking about it and doing uh keynote presentations and really teaching people methods to practice gratitude for over a decade. But I had kind of lost touch with the impact in my personal life. And it took this experience for it to reaffirm for me the power of gratitude, because at three o'clock in the morning, when all of those horrible worry, what if thoughts were keeping me awake, the only thing that helped me to get back to sleep was gratitude and thinking about all of the things that went well. Sometimes just thinking about one thing that I was grateful for in full detail that helped to quiet my brain and relax my nervous system to help me get back to sleep and counteract all of those worries and fears.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

You really were a victim of the same fear we're addressing today and the process to maybe alleviate some of that. And so many of the people with this condition carry a variety of different ways that they express their fear. Once they get diagnosed, they're afraid they can die, or I should say we, because I experienced it as well. We're afraid of recurring symptoms, we're afraid of the potential surgery, we're afraid of the pain, the sternotomy, the what-ifs, the uncertainties. And for many of the people that I've spoken with, that pain is paralyzing. I'm sorry, that fear, the pain is paralyzing as well, because that's literal. It's the fear of the uncertainty in the unknown that actually becomes paralyzing. And we were just talking with one of the doctors earlier today who is a thoracic surgeon. And sometimes people will even over-research into paralysis, you know, that analysis paralysis of I know too much now and don't know what I want to do. So that fear just manifests itself in so many different ways. In your experience, how do we get from really what should be a positive moving us forward in the right direction to a solution to our symptoms? But in fact, it actually freezes us and stops us from moving forward. And it's human nature, but how do we move ourselves past that fear?

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Well, just like you said, it is human nature. So I think that it's important to recognize that that first worry thought or first thought related to fear is normal, human, and in some ways healthy. It's what follows that's not helpful and not healthy. So to recognize that first thought and to use any method that works for you to help shut it down: distraction, thought replacement, engaging in a different activity, anything to shut it down, because it's those secondary worry thoughts, those future-oriented worry thoughts of fear that are not happening, that are so unnecessary and contribute to paralysis and misery.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Let me ask you, you said something that we actually didn't talk about, but it just triggered a thought uh distraction, activity, whatever it is that helps you move away from the constant thought of fear. But how do you be certain that what you're not doing is just moving yourself into a state of denial versus fear?

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Sometimes it's helpful to get some information to reassure yourself. Action often helps to alleviate fear and anxiety. So if there's one thing that you can do to reassure yourself, whether that is checking notes from a doctor's appointment or consulting with a doctor, one one simple action that you can take to help to alleviate that fear can be one method to deal with that.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

That's confirming you're not in denial.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

Exactly. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Good. Because I know that's so that's the easy one to do. It's like, this is not happening to me. This can't be a heart attack. That's not possible for whatever myriad of reasons.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

You know, it in your experience and knowing that you're the gratitude psychologist, as we move forward, what have you seen? Maybe what techniques, what steps can people use to help mitigate that fear?

SPEAKER_00 13:13

Sure. One that is very simple and helpful is just to think about one thing that you're grateful for. Now we hear a lot about making lists, and while lists are wonderful, lists help us to scan the environment for different things to be grateful for. But we might not be connecting with the feeling when we're doing a more cognitive exercise like a list. So I suggest thinking about one thing and really connecting to the feeling that comes with that and really getting into the details. So if you're feeling grateful for your best friend, well, why? Is it because you've been friends for a decade? Does she keep your uh your secrets? Does she give great hugs? Like really connect to the details about why you're grateful for that person or experience.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

In a lot of the reading that I've done and certainly have heard from other doctors, there literally is a visceral experience with gratitude. We have uh a chemical change in our bodies, correct?

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

Can you speak a little bit to that? Because I would imagine that helps a lot of different things, whether it be the healing process, the recovery process, the entry process into strength and and comfort knowing things going forward.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Yes. I l I love the science behind gratitude because it is such a fluffy, ambiguous thing that people can often discount its power. So I love the researchers who do this, these rigorous scientific studies. And one is to look at what happens in the brain when we think about what we're grateful for. And simply by doing that, we get a dose of serotonin and dopamine in our brain. And dopamine is a neurotransmitter that's responsible for elevating mood. So that's why we tend to feel better. Sometimes it's just a little bit of a shift, other times it might make a huge difference, but that is dopamine doing its job of elevating mood. The other neurotransmitter is serotonin, and serotonin makes us feel like we have enough. It's a similar experience after having a great meal or a wonderful conversation with a good friend, and it helps to relax the nervous system. So when we're in fear or anxiety, our nervous system is getting aroused and we're getting uh, you know, the stress hormone cortisol is being activated. And when we think about what we're grateful for, it does the opposite. It releases serotonin and it relaxes our nervous system. So it's one way to help quiet the mind while simultaneously relaxing the body.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

I like that dopamine. And we all know the experience when we've we've had it, and certainly serotonin in terms of the peacefulness and the rest and all that as an occurrence. It's amazing to think that there's an actual chemical reaction that comes as a result of expressing gratitude.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Yes, it's it's so simple and really powerful. And when you think about what you're grateful for on a regular basis, you truly are forming new neural pathways. And that's where the science with functional MRIs comes into play, that we can see that new neural pathways are being formed in the brain when people do a gratitude practice for an extended period of time.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Are they permanent?

SPEAKER_00 16:29

Yes. And that new neural pathway is formed. And the great thing is it feels good along the way. So people are more likely to continue doing it. But that new neural pathway stays and people are seeing the world in the lens of positivity feels much better than through negativity. So there's lots of motivation to keep it going. But but the brain behind the scenes does it for us effortlessly.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Would it be uh it's kind of an odd question, but would it be incorrect to assume that more gratitude builds more neuropathways, expresses the uh the chemical good feeling, and it just perpetuates itself so the people that maybe are most grateful really are more grateful over time that it's a a continuum?

SPEAKER_00 17:17

It does build on itself. And when people start with looking for very simple things to be grateful for, it does build upon itself because all of those simple things are there every single day. So when you intentionally keep it simple, there are more opportunities for receiving the benefit of that feeling of gratitude rather than waiting for something huge to happen, because our our brains can't tell the difference if we are feeling grateful for something that we might take for granted, like running water or going on a cruise and being grateful for a wonderful trip of some kind. Our brains can't tell. There is no qualification. So when we intentionally keep it simple, we're training our brains to notice, appreciate, and highlight all of the good things that are going on in our lives. And they're there every day. There are opportunities for feeling good every day.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Okay, so I see a real benefit here because the cruise is very expensive and grateful for water is not. So if we can full our brains into being that grateful for something simple, it's gonna save us a lot of money.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Absolutely. Yes. I always love to say that gratitude is free.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

In looking at the the steps, you mentioned write something down in all the things about it as in a friend, and what do you really like about that friend or that experience? Is there a series of exercises that we can practice to help us mitigate that fear with gratitude?

SPEAKER_00 18:46

There are many different things that people can do. One that I, another one that I love to suggest to people, I call it teen gratitude. And the reason that I like this particular exercise is because it involves another person. So the number one predictor of happiness in our lives is our human connections. We know that gratitude is associated with happiness and our connections as well. So when you're doing teen gratitude, it's like a double dose of goodness. You're connecting with another person through the power of gratitude. So with your partner, you every day you share what you're grateful for for any period of time that you and your partner can commit to. It can be a week, a month, or even a year. I've had clients do it for a full year. And it fosters closeness in that relationship through the power of gratitude. It builds in human connection through the exercise. You get to hear what somebody else is grateful for. And by doing that, it often expands your awareness for things that you might have going in on in your own life that you may have overlooked. But by hearing somebody else say it out loud, it helps you recognize that you have that in your own life. So it brings awareness to other things in your own life to be grateful for that you may have overlooked.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Do we know, or is there any research that supports the mutual gratitude? Let's say it's that second person or even a group dynamic. Is it any different when it's in a group or it's shared with somebody than if it is just specifically with yourself?

SPEAKER_00 20:15

Well, there is research behind sharing gratitude with others for in terms of mental health and happiness. There was one study that looked at 300 college students who sought counseling at a college counseling center and they wrote gratitude letters. Within this 300 students, they were assigned to three different groups. One group received counseling only, another group received counseling and they were instructed to write about their day. And the other group received counseling and they were instructed to write three gratitude letters once a week for three weeks. And then they measured their self-reported happiness at the four-week mark. And as you would imagine, the group that wrote the gratitude letters reported a significant change in self-reported mood simply by writing three gratitude letters. And the really amazing part about this study was they measured them again at the 12-week mark, even after they hadn't written another gratitude letter, and they maintained that self-reported level of happiness even after they hadn't written another letter. So there's a lot to be said about sharing gratitude, not keeping it to yourself. There's so many different definitions of gratitude, but my favorite is that it puts you in such a state of appreciation that it makes you want to return kindness.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

So if I'm I'm gonna put myself in that fearful situation for a second, and I've maybe just been diagnosed that I've got this myocardial bridge condition. I know what the symptoms are because that's why I'm researching, trying to find somebody to diagnose what it is that I've got. I don't know what the result of those symptoms could be, but now I actually know the cause and I know that there is a process to rectify the situation. Often it does minimize a symptom, so I'm going to move forward on that. But some of those things could be quite frightening. If I'm exercising gratitude, I'm using that gratitude almost as a replacement for the fear or to push that fear out.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Yes. Well, I I always like to say that I'm I'm not a fan of ignoring our emotional pain, but we first need to feel it. We just don't want to get stuck there. So feeling the fear, uh any painful emotion that might rise up, it's important to feel that and process that and sometimes express it. But we don't want to get stuck there and or and perpetuate it. And gratitude is one method of moving forward by thought replacement, by instead thinking about what you're fearful about and all those worry what-if thoughts for the future, replacing it with something that you're grateful for. It sends the energy of your thoughts in a different direction. Thoughts have energy, they tend to grow and get stronger and stronger. And when we have a fear thought, within minutes we can end up having catastrophic fear thoughts if we don't let them, if we don't rein it in and get them under control. So that's when that thought replacement by thinking about what you're grateful for is a wonderful way to shut down those fear-related thoughts, which is a little bit different from I don't ever want to give the impression that I think that it's healthy to shut down an emotion. Like our emotions teach us a lot, but when we're done feeling it, it's when it's time to move on, that's when uh an exercise in gratitude can be really helpful.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

And I was gonna say, very much like your experience, as that fear compounds itself and we dive into it, I mean, we may experience it and begin to express it, but sometimes it snowballs, and the next thing you know, it it's hyperventilation, you're gonna pass out, you're you're so worked up over it. And it's that conscious ability and awareness to be able to say to yourself, just stop and look at something that you're grateful for. Your children may be in the house, your your spouse, your significant other, you may be at work, you have a job, you you have insurance, whatever whatever it is, you you're nodding your head. So I'm looking for that affirmation. Yes. Yes. Because I I know so many people are in this space, and I know how dark that space can be. We're coming across or coming up on the holidays, and this episode will air right before Christmas. And that in itself creates a whole different set of stressors, and in many cases the people who experience the symptoms of the myocardial bridge, everything about the holidays is what can trigger the angina, the the chest pain, the palpitations, all those negatives that come as a result of the bridge. Is there anything in your experience, because we're going to get this overdose of opportunity for fear that would maybe help dealing with the holidays and those really high stress, high anxiety, high involvement. And maybe as I'm speaking, I'm hearing maybe high gratitude opportunities.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Right. There are lots of opportunities for high gratitude, but we need to plan for it and prioritize. So I love to talk about the framework that I call the four P's and related to mental health. And that is uh prioritize, plan, practice, prosper. So prioritizing mental health, plan health-promoting activities, practicing them often, and then prospering even during difficult times. So in the context of the holidays and knowing that that can create stress and anxiety, planning every day for a time for relaxation that can very much include a gratitude practice, whether that's listening to a guided meditation that's related to gratitude, it can be writing a handwritten gratitude letter to somebody, many different ways that you could practice gratitude. And whatever feels good for you is the most important because then you're more likely to continue to do it. But when you plan for it and practice it often, that is when you can truly prosper even during difficult times.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Would part of that planning be knowing that we've got the holidays coming up, we can begin to anticipate, okay, when I get to Aunt Jane's house, I know the first thing I'm going to do is look for opportunities for gratitude so I don't get taken over by the fear or the anxiety or even having to explain my situation, which I probably don't want to do to everybody.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Yes. And I look at it it two ways. One is in the absence of a situation like that. So actually, when you're feeling most calm is when it can be a great time to do a gratitude exercise or any exercise and relaxation when you're already feeling calm. And when you practice that on a regular basis, then when you face a situation like going to a relative's house that might be anxiety provoking, then it's even more powerful to employ that exercise at that time because you've already practiced it when you're calm. So I think both both are important to practice on a regular basis during times of calm, and then to utilize it as a method when you know, when you anticipate that some anxiety is coming your way.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Let me ask you about a situation that maybe could occur for some of our listeners. The holidays are here. They maybe have shared with people that they've got this condition, but there's an expectation that that person is going to be at that function, and that's not somebody I really want to hear from, deal with, confront, have to uh explain my situation to. Is there any way to properly avoid certain situations as well without getting yourself back into the fear mode and still being able to deal with the gratitude side of things?

SPEAKER_00 28:02

I think that is about setting boundaries and having some preparation ahead of time. You know, when we're put on the spot, it's difficult to come up with the words. We fumble and we're concerned about hurting people's feelings. And the more that you can practice for difficult situations like that, the the more comfortable it feels. And I like the method of looking at it like positive, negative, positive. So you make a positive statement and then say your statement about a boundary, that you're setting a boundary, such as I don't feel comfortable talking about that right now or whatever it might be, but somehow we label it as negative and then follow it up with something positive. But I'd be happy to talk with you about this. So positive, negative, positive. Starting with positive, making your boundary statement, and then ending it with something positive.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

So in other words, yeah, gee, Bill, I'm doing fine. I appreciate your concern. Really don't want to talk about it right now, but I'm looking forward to the next time we might hook up and I can explain it or something to that effect.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

Yes. Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

And then turn and walk away quickly.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

With some, it might be necessary, yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:11

On your website, you have mental health matters. And I really couldn't agree more. And sharing the value of this with the way it associates fear and gratitude is really appreciated. And when we look at the mental health situation that so many people are in today and that the challenges that they've gotten, the lack of support, and in some cases the over medication of it, many of the people with this particular condition are simply told it's stress and value, and we'll take care of it, or you need to exercise a different way, you know, a different process. It's nothing wrong with you physically, when in fact the people do. And that does play on your mind because at some point in most of our stories, we've gone to, is it me? Is it is it just in my head? Am I wrong about all this? And the doctors are right because they're telling me nothing's visibly incorrect that they can identify as something that's causing these symptoms. How might we look at that when we're not only self-doubt, but even overly critical of ourselves in those situations? And again, that'll push us not only from fear, but even possibly into depression. How do we bridge that?

SPEAKER_00 30:21

Well, I think it's important to allow yourself to feel what comes up naturally, where in a society where people want to avoid emotional pain at all cost, and that is not helpful. What's helpful is feeling it first, and then having tools and methods that you know work for you to help you move forward. I truly look at mental health as twofold, that we need to feel our painful emotions, including fear, but we don't want to get stuck there. And that's where it's really helpful to know what works for you to help you move forward, because we we cannot heal what we don't feel. And the consequence of not feeling is becoming emotionally numb. You know, it's very similar to general anesthesia. When you need surgery and you have general anesthesia, you don't get to pick and choose what body parts go numb. Everything goes numb and you don't feel anything. Similar to with emotions, when you don't allow yourself to feel emotional pain, you are unwittingly depriving yourself of really feeling the fullness of joy. So a lot of people are reporting a disconnect and a lack of being able to access joy. And I believe that that is part of it because people are not allowing themselves to feel painful emotions. And it's helpful to know ahead of time what tools work for you so that you really can go into your toolbox and know what works for you in those moments when you need something to help pull you out when you're in a funk to feel better.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

The experience of gratitude and understanding the opportunity to practice it at any point, any place. Is there ever a time when maybe it's not the best process? Is there an instance where you can think of where, yeah, right now, maybe that's not?

SPEAKER_00 32:08

Yes. When when it ever feels like it's being used as avoidance of emotional pain with without feeling it at all, that is a time when it might not be appropriate. And there are other times when the life difficulty or tragedy can be so heavy that in that moment it just isn't possible. It might take some time before being able to either look for a silver lining, the lesson in that pain, how you might be growing. It can be too difficult sometimes right in that moment. And then just the passage of time can be helpful. But it really in some times can be what helps you hang on to life to find one thing to be grateful for. That's how I discovered the power of gratitude during the worst time of my life when my fiance was being treated for cancer and the doctors said that there was nothing left that they could do for him and that he was going to die. And it was in those last 42 days of his life that I discovered the power of gratitude when I was 26 years old. I had no idea that what I was doing was practicing gratitude for something so simple. It was a cup of hazelnut coffee that every day while I sat by his side as he slowly died, that I was able to enjoy that predictable cup of hazelnut coffee as I journaled and sat by his side. And my 26-year-old self had no idea that what I was doing was practicing gratitude. But on the worst days of my life, I hung on to that one thing that was predictable when everything else was so incredibly unpredictable. So that's how I know with certainty the gratitude is extremely powerful on our worst days, to not save gratitude for the good days. Gratitude is most powerful on our difficult days.

SPEAKER_01 33:54

And I would imagine not only the fear that he would be experiencing, but you as his fiance, seeing your fiance disappear in front of you, literally over the course of time, a very short period of time.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

Yes. And and it was that daily cup that I looked forward to that brought me so much comfort. And there were so many details about that cup when I look back on it, and it was the simplest things. It was the aroma that permeated his hospital room and made it seem less sterile. It was the warmth of the styrofoam cup as I wrapped my hands around it. It was the memories associated with hazelnut coffee. I'd started drinking hazelnut coffee my senior year in high school. It was one way that I bonded with my mother before I started my difficult day of being a senior in high school. So there was so much wrapped up in that cup of hazelnut coffee. I didn't think about it then. I just knew it made me feel good. So I looked forward to that cup every day. Only in hindsight did I really explore why that cup meant so much to me. And now it all makes sense. I'm just grateful that I found it and it got me through the darkest time of my life.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

Do you still have a fondness for hazelnut coffee?

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Absolutely. It's a wonderful memory. And I love that other people are reminded the power of gratitude when they drink their coffee because they've heard my story. So then they too get to benefit from the simple thing that they do every day, but they may have overlooked the power of that being able to simply quiet the mind and enjoy your coffee or tea in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

I think as a wrap to the entire discussion, the simplicity, basic simplicity of a cup of coffee, you know, of something that could bring you know so much joy, alleviate fear, anxiety, in process from a swing of a horribly devastating situation all the way to a recurring memory that's pleasant. Yes. And I think you brought it home with that story at the end. I mean, it may be the aroma, it may be the warmth of the of the cup on a cold winter day. That's an appreciation and gratitude in its most simplistic form to say, okay, I'm not thinking about that right now. I get to express my gratitude for this cup of coffee.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

Right. And it it doesn't change our problems or worries of the day. It doesn't make our problems go away, but it changes the lens in which we see our own life and the world. It doesn't change the world, but that can make all the difference in the world and getting through a difficult time.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

And I'm going to throw something out there for those of us who maybe are active or extremely active, like to run, like to walk a lot, like to cycle, hike, kayak in your case. Just the ability to still do those things. And even if it's a walk, if you used to run and you've got this condition and now you're relegated to walking, but you can still walk until you get to your treatment, to look at that as grateful gratitude and not fearful, will I ever walk again? But I'm walking right now and I'm grateful I can do that.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

Yes. And the great part is when we start with intention and and do that on a regular basis, it becomes effortless. Our brain starts to do it for us because those new neural pathways are being formed. So it starts with intention, it becomes habit. Over the course of time, that habit turns into an attitude and then simply becomes a way of life. Like I don't think about being grateful. I am. It's a way of life for me, but it started with intention.

SPEAKER_01 37:41

Dr. DeLong, how does somebody get hold of you? If they'd like to outreach, you know, find out a little bit more about what it is you do as the gratitude psychologist and find out a little bit more about all the envelopment of gratitude in one's life. What would be the best process to connect?

SPEAKER_00 37:58

The best way would be a free resource that I have on my website that people can sign up for. I call it the Grateful Day. It's a five-day challenge where every day I deliver one simple gratitude exercise that you can incorporate into your life. I give a little bit of brain science behind it, why it's powerful and how it's connected to mental health. And people can sign up for that at drpeggydelong.com slash thegrateful day.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

If I'm not mistaken, don't you have a gratitude bracelet?

SPEAKER_00 38:29

I do. I do. Bracelet making is my creative outlet, and I turned my love for making bracelets into a company that I called Love in a Bracelet. And the best-selling bracelet is the Gratitude Heels bracelet. It's a wearable reminder to practice gratitude. It's simply a gemstone bracelet with one singular metal bead. And then as your eye is drawn to the metal bead during the day, it's just a quick reminder to stop what you're doing and think about one thing that you're grateful for in that moment. And then by the end of the day, you may have thought of 10 nice things. And then that contributes to emotional well-being.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

What a great reminder. Dr. DeLong, Peggy, thank you so much for sharing what I think will help many of us with just that overwhelming fear. If we can help minimize it, if it's a 10, we can get it down to a five. We've done a great job if we can take it from a five to a one. What an accomplishment. So that whomever is going through this process can get through to that next day and the next day and the next day until they finally get to where they're able to be treated and you know have a resolve to their condition and their symptoms. We're right before Christmas. Have a wonderful Christmas holiday. And thank you so much from the bottom of my imperfect heart. I really appreciate you coming on and talking with us today.

SPEAKER_00 39:51

My pleasure. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 39:54

Thank you for listening to Imperfect Heart. It's my hope that this information helped in some way to improve your situation or will help you better understand this condition. More importantly, that it gives you hope through stories that there is help and you most certainly are not alone. If you've been diagnosed with a myocardial bridge, please be sure to join the private Facebook group, Myocardial Bridge Support Group. For more information about our program or to reach me directly, visit the website myimperfectheart.com. If you like what you heard today, please give a positive review, thumbs up, high five, whatever your app likes. And be sure to share with everyone important to you so they understand what it is you're dealing with. Please subscribe as well. Welcome each day with gratitude and positivity. The views and opinions expressed in this program are solely those of the host and the guest and are not intended to provide, nor are they a suitable substitute for professional care by a doctor, therapist, mental health professional, or other qualified medical professional. Imperfect Heart is a production of Hear Me Now Store.